Saturday, June 07, 2003
=================
=================
=================
I WON'T BE PUBLISHING ANOTHER EP NEWSLETTER TILL THE END OF JULY.
Time to take a break...
________________________________________________
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
<*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*>
E M P O W E R E D P A R E N T I N G E Z I N E
http://www.EmpoweredParent.com
Information For Today's Parent!
<*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*> <*>
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯¯
VOL. V : Issue 6, June 6, 2003
Editor: Joan Bramsch
E-mail: hijoan@joanbramsch.com
Common sense solutions for Today's Parenting Challenges!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Empowered Parents = Strong Families
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THIS WEEK'S EDITION SPONSORED BY:
"Sizzlers" for Summer Reading!
Classic Contemporary Romance Novels
By Joan Bramsch
Http://www.joanbramsch.com/store/romancebooks.shtml
==============
INSIDE YOUR EP EZINE
<*> Letter to Parent
<*> Article
<*> Letters from EP Parents
<*> This 'n That
<*> Marketplace
<*> Subscribe/unsubscribe Information
===============
"You do what you know how to do; and when you know better, you do better."
- Maya Angelou
===============
<*> Letter to Parent
Hi dear Parent,
Although it is very difficult for me to believe, today it is 22 months since my Bill was laid to rest. It seems a moment ago; it seems so long ago.
I am publishing the JUNE issue of EP on the heels of the May issue because soon I'll be heading to my lake cottage. It's time to complete healing and to renew. There's lots for me to do - I'll fish, read, write, play, sculpt, practice my keyboard lessons and generally seek my Joy.
May I suggest that you and your family do the same? I won't publish again till the end of July, unless I find something fun or important (or both!) to put into a Bulletin.
I remember a poem daughter Peggy wrote for me at the end of the school year. She was ten years old.
"Let's celebrate, Mom. I bet you feel so lucky.
No more getting up early.
No more cooking big breakfasts or packing lunches.
No more helping us with homework.
It's Summer and we'll be here every day to have Fun!"
And we did. :)
We laugh about it every Summer, especially now that she has a family of her own.
Remember, dear one, that I value you, right here, right now.
Love,
Joan
P.s. Did you enter the Free Piano Lessons Sweepstakes? If not, send me your name and land address to: Piano@joanbramsch.com
P.p.s. Letters from EP Parents has "other side" responses to my soap box issue. They speak for themselves... Just as I do. It's the American way!
P.p.p.s. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -- Mark Twain
==================
DON'T MISS THIS PIC --
Space Station Science Picture of the Day for June 6, 2003
Astronauts onboard the ISS have seen some strange moons lately: red moons,
squashed moons, vanishing moons. Last month science officer Ed Lu
photographed perhaps the strangest scene of all--the moon floating inside
Earth's atmosphere.
PICTURE AND INFO at
Http://science.nasa.gov/ppod/y2003/06jun_moonset2.htm?list969312
==================
I ASKED YOU TO WRITE TO OPRAH about Izidor Ruckel and his book Abandoned For Life. I just sent this note myself, including a letter sent by a grateful adoptive parent to Izidor.
Dear Oprah - I wrote to you earlier about Izidor Ruckel and his book - ABANDONED FOR LIFE, THE INCREDIBLE STORY OF ONE ROMANIAN ORPHAN, HIDDEN FROM THE WORLD. HIS LIFE. HIS WORDS.
I am now enclosing a copy of one of the letters he has received from grateful adoptive parents of other Romanian orphans rescued from hell.
Sincerely,
Joan Bramsch
http://www.EmpoweredParent.com
----------
Dear Izidor,
I have waited so long to tell you our story. And, I
have thought of you so often since your appearance on
20/20. We watched the 20/20 episode that aired about 6
years ago and wanted to do something to help the
Romanian children ever since. But, it wasn't until the
one 2 years ago that told your story that we decided
to actually do something. You inspired us so! We just
saw the episode by chance... I was flipping the
channels and happened to catch it and that was just
the first miracle in a series of many that brought our
daughter home. After seeing your story, we made the
decision that it was time to do something. We
immediately contacted 20/20 who put us in touch with
David Livianu who also appeared in that episode trying
to get older children adopted. David put us in touch
with an agency in Georgia and they had a picture of
our beautiful daughter. We started the adoption
process and 10 months later we had Ana Maria home!
Since you played such a role in finding her a home, I
wanted to tell you a little about her. She came home
last April 26th and she is now 5 years old... her
birthday was April 4th and her 1st party at home is
this Saturday. She is very, very delayed in all areas
from having spent her 1st 2 years in an orphange. When
she was 2 years old she was taken to a wonderful
foster home and that family really saved her life,
since she only weighed 15 pounds and couldn't even sit
up. They fed her well, gave her lots of love and
nursed her back to health. When we met her at age 4
she was only speaking about 5-10 Romanian words and
was extremely delayed in motor and social skills. She
has crossed eyes and is very far-sighted and needed
quite a bit of dental work.
But now.... I wish you could see her! She is still
very delayed but she has come so far! She now wears
glasses. She speaks more words than I can count, she
can count to 10, knows 1/2 of her abc's and most of
her colors, can swim, ride a tricycle and she loves to
laugh and is so proud of herself! She has an
incredible spirit about her spreading light and joy
wherever she goes. She has been such a blessing to our
whole family.
I would like to go back to Romania and bring a couple
more children home but am so discouraged about this
moratorium. Hopefully soon it will be over.
But Izidor... I just want to thank you for being so
brave and for sharing your story. I want you to know
that it inspired us a great deal and but for you Ana
may not be here. And I am sure you have inspired
numbers of people that you will never know about.
I will send you some pictures of Ana and I look
forward to reading your book and maybe even meeting
you in Williamsburg this summer.
With much love,
jeni, lee and ana maria
Davidson, NC
==============
BUG BITES
Mosquito Deterrent - Pass this on to anyone who likes being out in the evening or is having a cook out Here is a good thing for the summer, for those who like to sit, enjoy the out of doors, but don't like those pesky mosquitoes. It was given at a gardening forum: Put some water in a white dinner plate and add just a couple of drops of Lemon Fresh Joy dishwashing soap. Set the dish on a porch or patio. Not sure what attracts them, the lemon smell, the white color, or what, but mosquitoes flock to it, and drop dead, or fall into the water, or on the floor within about 10 ft. Works just super! Enjoy the mosquito free summer.
JOAN'S NOTE: Let me know if this works. I am heading to Minnesota where the Mosquito is the State Bird!!! ;)
===============
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
'You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Thanks a lot mom!! .....
=================
I DON'T DO EITHER ANYMORE SO WHY AM I STILL OVERWEIGHT?
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
=================
<*> Article
http://www.bobperks.com/wish.htm
"I wish you enough!"©
By Bob Perks
I never really thought that I'd spend as much time in airports as I do. I don't now why. I always wanted to be famous and that would mean lots of travel. But I'm not famous, yet I do see more than my share of airports. I love them and I hate them. I love them because of the people I get to watch. But they are also the same reason why I hate airports. It all comes down to "hello" and "goodbye."I must have mentioned this a few times while writing my stories for you.
I have great difficulties with saying goodbye. Even as I write this I am xperiencing that pounding sensation in my heart. If I am watching such a scene in a movie I am affected so much that I need to sit up and take a few deep breaths. So when faced with a challenge in my life I have been known to go to our local airport and watch people say goodbye. I figure nothing that is happening to me at the time could be as bad as having to say goodbye.
Watching people cling to each other, crying, and holding each other in that last embrace makes me appreciate what I have even more. Seeing them finally pull apart, extending their arms until the tips of their fingers are the last to let go, is an image that stays forefront in my mind throughout the day.
On one of my recent business trips, when I arrived at the counter to check in, the woman said, "How are you today?" I replied, "I am missing my wife already and I haven't even said goodbye."
She then looked at my ticket and began to ask, "How long will you...Oh, my God. You will only be gone three days!" We all laughed. My problem was I still had to say goodbye.
But I learn from goodbye moments, too.
Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough." She in turn said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy."
They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?"
"Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me.
So I knew what this man experiencing.
"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?" I asked.
"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral," he said.
"When you were saying goodbye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"
He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more."When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.
"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye."
He then began to sob and walked away.
My friends, I wish you enough!
=================
"Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." -- Lou Holtz
=================
<*> Letters from EP Parents
Here's a letter from:
Name: Sadie
E-Mail: WITHHELD
Subject: That\'s enough
Comments: I am sure there are extremists on the right too, but the extremists on the left are not who I want to base my thoughts on either. It isn\'t an open mind one needs, it is a critically thinking mind. I know that what made this country great was not a motherly government that encouraged the weakest side of a person who might be temporarily down, but a government that said the opportunity is there. Have you ever wondered at the number of very decent and successful people who grew up in poverty here in the United States? Before the government started throwing billions at ending poverty, people found that the struggle gave them the strength to not just survive, but thrive. I would hate to believe that welfare was the answer (or credits for money that they never paid in), if it could just be increased by another 50% or so they think they would be just fine. I absolutely hate that my children have grown up in a climate of don\'t worry, you will always be taken care of. I would much rather they all believed that if they didn\'t decide and find out what they were best suited to do and persue it, they wouldn\'t have anyone to blame but themselves. The far left is out there making guilt the answer to every problem. The people who produce should take care of those who don\'t. Money doesn\'t fix the problems that spiritually bankrupt people create in their lives. If it did, we would be seeing less unwed mothers and divorcees on welfare. Instead our society is becoming less able to maintain loving intact, married to the same mother and father of all of the children, families. Don\'t tell me that unearned money doesn\'t corrupt. I am appauled at the fabric of the society that we have ended up with here in a nation that once had pride. The government that provides money in an envelope exchanges it for pride and too many don't realize what they could have if they did grovel for a meager existence from their government.
JOAN'S NOTE:
My Bill and I raised our five children to earn their own way, which they have been doing successfully since the age of 16 years. They are also kind, helpful and caring people and I thank God for them every day. You have raised some thorny issues, Sadie. I have one comment and one question. My comment: The children of the previous generation had decent schools, even in the lower income communities, so imo they had a better chance of bettering themselves. My question is this: What concrete solutions can you suggest to fix what you say is wrong with America?
========
"And what is as important as knowledge?" asked the mind. "Caring and seeing with the heart," answered the soul. - Flavia
========
Joan - In answer to your query, I did read this far, as I do with every message you send.
Bless you always... prayers forever! ~M
======
Joan - Our younger son has Asperger's Syndrome and both our children have ADD, so I'm always interested in information relating to children that appear "normal" but have problems with relationships, academic progress, etc.
JOAN'S NOTE: Who else among us have children with special needs and challenges? Let us link up. And Parent... You are my hero! Xo
Also, I found this: ADD and ADHD people unite! Learn about the great side of ADHD and ADD! There is a ton of information for you, all free at http://www.adhdezine.com I raised one of each, and have one of each in my grandchildren.
======
WRITTEN BY AN EP PARENT - Get the Real Dope on Drugs. Learn all you need to know to protect your child's future. Do it now! http://www.everwondered.com/jb.html
========
UPSET LETTER-WRITER
Has this become a political soap box??? Perhaps you care, but you need to have all the facts before you spout your liberal ideologies in the guise of caring about children. I think you need to get one of the free psychic readings you advertise, perhaps they can fill you in on the truth.
I'm so tired of liberals griping about the poor not getting tax rebates--do they not know that you have to PAY taxes to get a rebate?
Do you have an anti-comment about the information below? Will you send out an emergency bulletin letting your readers know about this? I doubt it. In closing, are you aware that 60% of the taxes are paid by 6% of the people? What amazes me is that some people can be ill informed enough to not realize that if rebates are given to those 6%, the economy will be much more improved. This in turn will help create jobs, and increase the amount of taxes those low wage earner have to pay, which will give them a tax rebate since it is an ongoing program. Please--get your facts correct and in the future, try to show two sides of the coin. Please be aware--when you cut off the ability of those at the upper level of earnings, you create job loss, reduce income, cause higher prices, lower wages and the list goes on and on. I think you are probably smart enough to know the truth of this, now that it is pointed out to you.
MM
JOAN'S NOTE: Thank you for your letter, MM. I have two questions for you, please. 1. I've never advertised a free psychic reading in EP and I wonder where you saw it? 2. Soon 10 million Americans will be without a job; that's not counting the people who have despaired and given up searching, so shall we see how many new jobs the last $350 billion tax cut provides?
========
AND ANOTHER ONE
Perhaps you need to look at todays' NY Times regarding this issue. And do you really think the $400 to the lower income folk will go to the children? Perhaps some will but don't fool yourself into thinking it will benefit kids. When a good portion of lower income people are immigrants or drug addicts.
JOAN'S QUESTION: What's your proof for that last sentence, please?
========
AND THE FLIP SIDE
Regarding... I am disappointed in learning, for example, that a promised $400 tax credit for low income children was cancelled at the 11th hour, literally, from the recent $350 Billion tax cut that was signed last week. The $3.5 Billion they took away would have helped 12 MILLION children, for pity sakes! 12 million. Even the GSA, our federal bookkeeper, says this tax cut isn't going to make new jobs. At least that $400 would have been spent on necessities and would have helped the economy (because it would have been spent and not saved).
Joan, This seems to have been one of those political football things. Take it out of the bill for reasons yadayadayada and then put it back to place blame on others for taking it out, including some of the ones taking it out blaming others rather than themselves---in both political parties.So twisted it becomes laughable, except that it really isn't.
L,l
========
The May Issue really was an incredible newsletter. Thanks.
========
EP LETTER from a former FBI agent
Hi Joan:
Enjoyed your soapbox issue, but I think something in regard to the issue of government wanting to know what books you check from the library should be presented to parents with a certain set of facts:
As you know, I retired in January, 2003 as a Special Agent with the FBI. Prior to 9/11, I spent 17 years in New York City on the Joint Terrorist Task Force with the NYPD investigating terrorist bombings. There were extensive "terror cells" from various ethnic backgrounds involved in these bombings over the years. We spent a lot time taking dead and injured innocent people out of the crime scenes. Many of these bombers sent officers of the NYPD to early disabilities with severe injuries.
In many instances, like today, we intercepted plots before they happened and made arrests, and seized the "workshops" of these maniac bombers and their conspirators. These locations are commonly referred to as "safe houses." In those safe houses, and during investigations, we found that the terrorists were using devices directly made from instructions in these various manuals that started appearing to the public.
There were many situations nationwide where some of these terror cell members accidentally set off a bomb, while playing around trying to make it from these same manuals. The bomb factory of Puerto Rican FALN member, William Morales, in Chicago is a classic example.
Probably the first bomb manual that appeared in public was the "Anarchist Cookbook." It is STILL AVAILABLE today.
With that said, I can tell you and your readers ( and testify before any court or Congress if need be) that in approximately 80% (and perhaps more) of our investigations, WE ALWAYS found (1) bomb making manuals and instructions that were declassified by the military and are now sold on the Net or bookstores, and/or (2) we found bomb making manuals that were published many times by Paladin Press in Colorado. Paladin I believe still exists today. Needless to say, Paladin had no idea they were selling manuals to terrorists but the simple fact that they were for sale to the general public was chilling. Worse yet, Paladin and other book companies had no idea or record who was buying those bomb making manuals. Some of the book companies said they wouldn't tell us anyhow.
Today, I am good friends with a known "bomber" who served time and is now in private business down south. He has taken a turn in his beliefs on violence, thank the Lord, but he personally wrote some of those manuals that were sold by Paladin. And he received payment for them in royalties! This gentlemen learned his bomb making abilities in another country. To this day, he has no idea who's hands they ended up in. He's quit writing them, but many times he doesn't sleep well at night.
During our terrorism investigations and because of the CONTINUED pattern of these "public manuals" showing up in terrorist locations, we attempted to get them off the market. For obvious reasons.
You really have to ask yourself in plain English WHAT the INTENT is of anyone buying one of these manuals. If your answer is "student research," then you need to check in with a doctor real soon!
Fact is, those attempts failed due to First Amendment rights, Freedom of the Press, and all the rest. Fact is, people continued to die around the country, and buildings continued to be damaged beyond repair. Fact is, we kept finding them in the safe houses.
Over the years, those bomb making manuals have made their way to (1) the local libraries and (2) you can now find them rampantly on the Internet. I will guarantee you and your readers that these bomb manuals will continue to show up in terrorist safe houses around the US and around the world! But now, they will be more sophisticated.
The "library issue" you mention has to be put in logical and investigative context. Neither the FBI, Ashcroft, or anyone else is interested in "what the average American" is charging out from the Library. It's not a feasible investigative step, and it's probably impossible to do, and would be a "shotgun approach" and waste of money, investigative wise. I can guarantee you from an investigative stand point that without any evidence a suspect is involved in terrorism, a "canvass" of the library on ALL CITIZENS is a total waste of time. And with terrorism investigations, TIME IS NOT on your side.
HOWEVER, (and this is the critical point) once a group or suspect in a terrorist cell has been identified, IT IS ESSENTIAL today to determine if they are accessing these now public bomb making manuals, and others, because the TRACK RECORD shows they will USE THEM for death and destruction. The EVIDENCE is there; the STATISTICS of finding them are there; and the record of them actually being USED to make a bomb is there.
ONCE THE MEMBERS of a terror cell or suspect have been identified, the FBI and police would be derelict in their duty if they did not pursue the issue of "what are these guys reading?" And I can assure you of this: if the investigation shows that they just accessed one of these manuals at the library or on the Net, the "CLOCK IS TICKING, AND YOU DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME TO STOP IT."
What I'd actually like to see, not really feasible, is for your readers to stop by the public library and ask who's been checking out bomb making manuals and how many the library has available? If you find one of these many manuals present, ask the library why they have it. See, for example, if they still have the "Anarchist Cookbook," or others like it.
If any of these are present in your community, I STRONGLY suggest you DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT REAL FAST.
Short of that your other option is to "keep you head in the sand" and hope that your next door neighbor isn't the one who checked out the book.....especially if you live in an apartment building...
None of the above is classified Joan and you are free to mention it to your readers. You all should understand the "behind the scenes" rationale that many times the media never presents. And of course, the critics and the Liberals will still find ways to "argue Jesus off the Cross."
And mark my words: people will die.
One last note Joan: These bomb manuals, the same that are available today, were found among the safe houses of the FALN years back, and it took us nearly 10 years to identify them, prosecute them, and send many of the members to prison for 20 years or longer. A lot of time, and a lot of the taxpayers money.
These SAME MEMBERS are the ones who Clinton pardoned 2-3 years back, and put them back on the streets.... This is public knowledge. They were required to sign a document that they would "no longer engage in terrorist behavior. " In one swift move, Clinton sent our time and your tax dollars right down the toilet.
And by the way, FALN bomber William Morales, above, escaped to Cuba where he probably remains. And he's in the company of Joanne Chesimard from the Black Panther Party. Chesimard was convicted of killing a New Jersey State Trooper and escaped prison. Needless to say, Cuba is not about to give them back....
p.s. here's a followup. Stop off at:
(Joan's Note: I'm not including the two web sites because they "trapped" me with one web site on top of another.)
Take a glimpse what's for sale.......and these type of websites are all
over the place! From bombs to guns to fake identities!
Readers can comment on my "soapbox issues" to me at: rypublish@adelphia.net or they can respond to you.
Larry Wack
Special Agent, FBI - Retired
1975 - 2003
JOAN'S NOTE: I respect your work and I thank you for your part in protecting us from terrorists and gangs. No one can doubt the sincerity of your words; personally, I don't disagree generally with what you say; however, I do have one question.
Among all the manuals on making bombs and other subversive subjects that were found in safe houses and hideouts where criminals and terrorists lived, what number of them were stolen from libraries and revealed ownership by library card or stamped due date inside the book?
If we start burning books on ANY subject, then we have to go after the Hemlock Society and the Crash at Roswell and then somebody might not like a book on same-sex love or if the 'slaves' should be sent back to Africa. There isn't one person on earth with enough brains to start making judgment calls about what I may or may not read. On this, I disagree with you, Larry.
I am very glad you are now an EP Parent. Your contributions are so appreciated, in this and other areas of expertise. Thank you.
=========
LETTER:
I want to respond to the letter from the 8 yr old boy who
flew into rages. I'm a mother of five, all grown, and of course this is my
viewpoint. I teach life skills to a 2nd grade class (8 yr olds) as a
volunteer. The kids love it - I give them tools for growing up, and the
teacher keeps me coming because it makes such a difference in class
behavior. My response follows:
Martha
--------------------------
Hi Joan
I would like to reply to the father whose 8 yr old son flies into rages. We
have to be careful not to overlook the obvious. Quite often parents are
totally unaware of how the interaction of their personality affects other
people, let alone their children.
Some people frustrate us because they never listen, or are non stop talkers
(imagine living with that person), some want to dominate (in the workplace
how long can you stand it?) some people never accept blame or
responsibility, so you might find yourself on the short end of that stick.
Some people are "crazy makers" because of their unreasonableness. Even the nicest people have flaws.
Grownups get married, and then divorce because flaws become unbearable, yet little children don't have that option. They are stuck with that parent and those flaws come to bear on the child. Can a child deal with it any better
than an adult? Unfortunately, no, they lack the understanding and the
coping skills.
It's not a question of how much you love your child. Love isn't enough when
it comes to raising children. Parents need to be willing to adjust
themselves, to listen to their child, to "hear" and understand, to read
between the lines when they fuss and complain, rather than ignoring,
irritating or frustrating them. It's much easier to say "I love my child"
than to really observe how our personality style impacts the child. It's
easier to get therapy to fix the child than to look at ourselves and make
needed changes.
I was at a get together one day, chatting over coffee, when the young 4 yr
old child left off playing with the children and edged towards the adults,
to be close to his mother, and quietly stood close by. His mother looked
over and said, "Oh, there's Johnny, he's so stupid!" I was horrified. The
little boy hung his head. The other mothers stopped in mid motion. So I
spoke up and said, "No he's not! He looks pretty smart to me!" His mother
said, "Oh he knows when I call him stupid in that sweet tone of voice that
it means I love him." I replied, "No! Stupid means stupid! There's no
mistaking it for love. If your husband came home tonight and said Hello
Stupid in a sweet voice, how would you feel?" It was her turn to look
horrified. To her credit, she called the boy over and hugged him and said
she was sorry, that she loved him very much. But it points out how a parent
can be blind as to how they impact their child.
If you bake a cake and it keeps coming out dry, it's of no use to keep
adding liquids to it when the temperature of the oven is too hot. As a
parent, your temperature may be too hot, or too cold. You must look at
yourself first, and at the atmosphere of the home. Are you critical?
domineering? a perfectionist? poor listener? too permissive? do not provide
enough guidelines or fence posts for the child? inconsistent? unjust?
In the case of the 8 yr old boy that flew into rages ...something is causing
frustration and resentment to build into anger. The child cannot put his
finger on it without the parents help. - when he tries to express it or
tell someone about it, nobody is listening, or, they are not reading his
body language - or - they are not reading between the lines of his behavior
- not when it is happening, but during the lull between storms - SOMETHING
is causing frustration and/or resentment to build into anger - it doesn't
just come out of the blue - and finally the rage explodes when it cannot be
contained any longer
Try this: find a time when you can have a comfy cozy talk with your child.
Your goal is to let him know you're going to help him - to let him know that
you understand how hard it is for him - and that whatever it is that drives
him to such anger, the two of you together will figure it out. Tell him
what a great kid he is - how you really appreciate how he take the trash
out, and takes care of the dog without being pushed. If he says, "Oh yeah,
how about when I get mad?" Just laugh - use some humor here, "Hey I said
you were great, not perfect!!" Give him a playful nudge, "we all have stuff
we have to work on."
Spend a little time telling stories about your youth and some difficulties
you had. It helps him to get into a more open mood. Describe to him how a
pot boils. In fact, why not go into the kitchen and put a pot of water on to
boil. . Then as you watch the pot, talk about how it looks as though nothing
is happening, but all the while the temperature is going up, and finally
erupts. Compare it to how his frustration starts cool, gradually heats as
it builds, until it erupts into rage.
Go back to your comfy cozy place, and now some real dialog has probably
already started. "Well son, I was thinking of something that might help you
to NOT boil over -- tell me if you think this would work: (ASK HIS OPINION -
Important!) What if, when you feel that temperature rising inside you, and
you think you're going to boil over (see, now you have a great analogy to
describe his behavior in a way he can relate to in a more objective way)
what if you said in a real loud voice "Help I think I'm going to boil over!"
(laugh a little). Then I will jump up and say "Whoa, grab your jacket let's
get out of here!" Then we could go out to the car and talk about it - or
drive down and get a pizza (you think of something but it needs to have
enough energy behind it to lower the heat.). "See, talking about it and
doing something different helps you cool down and get over it." This is a
great time to talk things over and for you to find what the mechanism is
that drives him - it also ENGAGES HIM in an exciting way to solve his own
problem.
He may have loosened up enough for his deeper feelings to start surfacing.
And that's what it takes; time, attention, cozy conversation and caring. It
may take several comfy cozy talks but when he does reveals things, be
compassionate. Let him see that you sincerely want to find a solution and
that you yourself will make changes in your methods if that's what is
needed. After all, how can you expect this little boy to make some major
adjustments if you can't? YOU are the model, YOU set the example. And let
him know your effort. Say, "I'm going to change and not be criticizing you
so much (whatever it is) and praise and notice the things that you are good
at. And I'm going to make the change because I love you because you're worth it! I hope you think I'm worth changing for too!
Try this before you try therapy. And it may be you who needs the therapy to understand why the family dynamics are pushing your child's hot buttons. Of course, it's also possible he's getting bullied at school and is frightened
and he doesn't want to be labeled a sissy by the kids. Your comfy cozy talks
should reveal that.
=========
LETTER ABOUT A BULLY
My daughter has been bullied at school. I found the
best thing to do is for parents to get involved. My
daughter was scratched on the arm hard enough to draw
blood at school. She was basically administered first
aid and told to sit down.
This happened on a Friday night. I had enough time to
write and rewrite a letter to the teacher explaining a
few facts to her - code of conduct in the school
(broken), hands-off policy (broken) and the list went
on.
I told the teacher if she walked away and didn't do
anything it would be validated violent behaviour in
the girl doing the attack and also giving my
daughter the message that nothing will happen when she
gets hurt. Well the teacher ended up dealing with it
to my satisfaction.
My daughter received an apology and a record of this
attck went into the aggressor's records.
For aggressive/bullying behaviour to cease and desist
I can't emphasize the fact that we ALL have to work
togehter on this....
A concerned parent
Anna
========
LETTER ABOUT SEX
Hi Joan, I think you were right on about our children being bombarded by sexual messages in the media. Its everywhere.. The huge billboards, movies, tv.. sex sells and to bankrupt, immoral country its all that seems to matter. The almighty dollar. Its not funny.. Its very sad.. Especially when talented women have to resort to taking their tops off to sell their music (ie. Jennifer Lopez video).
I was watching some show during prime time (8:30 p.m.) and one of the actors used the word "bitch". This is family hour???? Give me a break. With 9/11 happening it was supposed to make us a kinder, grounded individuals. It hasn't. I hope that with knowledge, comes emporement of us parents. Peace
========
We love the love that you so graciously give!! Joan, just keep on being Joan. You are one singular sensation, a blessing :)
======
"If you were arrested for being kind, would there be enough evidence to convict you?"
======
Joan - Just wanted you to know I read the newsletter "to here." As usual, there are things that make me think and challenge my peaceful existence. Thank you! Dawn
======
Do you know EmpoweredParent.com has a site Search Engine to find information faster?
======
Beautiful issue of your newsletter joan! B.L.
======
BEDWETTING - parents -- and kids -- shouldn't be shamed into silence, because bed-wetting is a widespread problem. There are, in fact, an estimated 5 million to 7 million children over the age of 6 in this country alone who suffer from bed-wetting problems.
JOAN'S NOTE: Oftentimes bedwetting is caused by insufficient magnesium. Talk to your doctor, nutritionist or health food owner.
======
LETTER ABOUT SPENDING $$$S
Perhaps a newsletter focused on how to teach kids the value in things/ responsible spending? I do recall that you did one on bank accounts for kids...
My husband and I are very focused on dealing with our kids fairly, however, we find that our kids
1)Don't appreciate what we have, although Mum and Dad refer to how blessed we are all the time
2)Always expect more (7-year-old especially) i.e.He asks for a cookie, I say yes, he says can I have 3?
We are not rich folks, and can not give our kids all the things they want, but neither can other parents in our neighborhood. I personnally feel this is part of life - you can't always get what you want, and yet they have this feeling of being treated unfairly.
This past weekend was our city's annual music festival, we took the kids and paid for quite a few rides ($$$$!!)
Then my son(7) threw himself around because we weren't going to buy dinner there as well!! I think we were reasonable and fair, and I am so tired of him being ungrateful! What to do!?! The other two seem to be gearing up to follow his example.
We told him "Nicholas, we've already spent a lot of money this weekend" (we'd all gone to the driving range with Dad too)
and he said"So let's go home and get some of my money" -which may or may not have been enough and we encourage saving over spending. We did comment that this was a very generous offer.
I know that they don't grasp the value of money because they only see us go to the bank to get out money when we need it, so they feel there is some sort of unlimited supply. They do have their own bank accounts which they know are for saving money for when they are older and really need it.(buying a car, college/university, etc)
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Peggy
JOAN'S NOTE: Do you have help for your sister EP Parent? Write to money@JoanBramsch.com
======
"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world." -- Gautama Buddha
======
Joan - I read "this far"... thanks for a great newsletter! Marie
======
ASSERTIVENESS FOR KIDS http://www.parentingtoolbox.com/kite.html
ASSERTIVENESS FOR SHY CHILDREN http://www.parentingtoolbox.com/kite.html
WHEN IT'S YOUR CHILD WHO IS THE BULLY http://parentingtoolbox.com/hand/threeRs.html
======
Summertime EARNING POWER!
=== Show Your Kids How Make More Money Babysitting ===
If your kids make extra cash by babysitting, they can
probably increase their hourly rate by $1.00 to $2.00 an
hour if they took the official Red Cross Babysitting
Training Course. Any parent would pay extra for someone
who has been officially trained to prevent injuries and
handle emergencies. They also teach marketing. Contact
your local Red Cross Chapter or
Http://www.redcross.org/services/hss/courses/babyindex.html
======
FOR MOMS
One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house.
His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud,
with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.
A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the
family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the
counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the
table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of
clothes, looking for his wife.
He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He
found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas,
reading a novel.
She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her
bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from
work and ask me what in the world did I do today?"
"Yes" was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."
============
Q: How do you identify a bald eagle?
A: All of his feathers are combed to one side.
============
THE MESSAGE OF THE WATERS
Here's information that will make you gasp with astonishment. Don't believe me? Go look for yourself, and take along yours kids. We are all One.
Http://www.wellnessgoods.com/messages.asp
================
AND HERE'S SOMETHING THAT WILL TURN YOUR STOMACH... Literally!
Http://www.notmilk.com/
================
AS PARENTS, WE TRY SO HARD
To Instruct Our Daughters
Well, Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other, and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam.'
Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her! But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.
When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for
the hard-boiled guys from Ireland. And the greasy guys from France called
the French Fries. And when she went out west, to watch out for the Indians
so she wouldn't get scalloped.
Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate
with those high-class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'
Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.
But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw. Tom Brokaw! Mr.and Mrs. Potato were very upset. They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw because he's
Just........................
Are you ready for this?
A COMMON TATER !!
Altogether now... 1-2-3-groooooooooooaner!
================
A CRIPPLED HOME FRONT
Rick Anderson, Seattle Weekly
The Department of Veterans Affairs is being targeted for billions in cuts. Doesn't support for the troops include their health care? Http://www.alternet.org/story.html?StoryID=15603
================
RACE, the power of Illusion
Http://www.pbs.org/previews/Race_Power_of_Illusion/
================
KNOW THIS: We are all one people, Mother Earth is our one country, LOVE is stronger than fear and peace and freedom are the birthrights of all humanity.
================
If you read this far, let me know: yes@joanbramsch.com
====================
<*> Marketplace Check out special offers, deals and reviews
====================
"Nutrition and Kids Adventures" is a cutting edge computer game designed to help kids teach themselves about proper nutrition, healthier foods, and having a healthy body. This CD-ROM game is for our elementary age children to have fun as they learn about health and nutrition.
Http://www.nutritionandkids.net/10617/index.shtml.
===================
Weiss Research publishes financial newsletters directed toward individual investors. The company's publications include the Safe Money Report (www.safemoneyreport.com), rated the number one newsletter in the nation. Weiss Ratings (www.WeissRatings.com) issues ratings on more than 30,000 financial institutions and investments. It is the only major rating agency that receives no compensation from the companies it rates. I've been reading THE SAFE MONEY REPORT for 20 years. It's 100% satisfaction guaranteed Enjoy all the benefits of the Safe Money Report for a full year for just $99 … or better yet, get two years for just $189 It's risk free. Call (800)-236-0407 Ask for Doreen. This is HALF-PRICE for EP!
===================
PLAY SOME R&B QUICK!
Learn to play any song on the Piano or Keyboard BY EAR using the revolutionary technique of Rhythmic Patterns! Online audio and video demo at: http://www.PlayPianoTODAY.com
===================
War cannot be humanized, it can only be abolished.
-- Albert Einstein
The ultimate oxymoron: "Holy War"
===============================
FEED THE HUNGRY:
http://www.thehungersite.com
http://www.heifer.org/
FOR PEACE ON OUR PLANET: We are not going to be able to operate our
Spaceship Earth successfully nor for much longer unless we see it as a
whole spaceship and our fate as common. It has to be everybody or nobody.
-Buckminster Fuller
NEXT ISSUE: More of the best I can find for you, dear Parent. And those EP
Bulletins will continue, if sporadically.
* . (\ *** /) * . *
. * ( \ (_) / ) * Guardian Angel * .
. (_ / | \ _) . * .
* . /____\ * . . *
In the meantime, here is an angel sent to watch over you for me.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM BILL: We are Angels born with but one wing,
In order to fly we must embrace one another.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)(\o/)
==========================================
Till next time, don't forget -- Parenthood is Wonder-filled!
Fondly, Joan
===================================
DISCLAIMER: The Empowered Parenting Ezine is intended to increase your
knowledge of the opinions and options in the fields that we cover. There is
no guarantee of validity or accuracy. Its contents should not be used to
replace professional advice. Empowered Parenting assumes no responsibility
for injury and specifically disclaims any warranty, express or implied for
any products or services mentioned. If expert assistance or counseling is
needed, services of a competent professional should be sought.
===================================
To SUBSCRIBE: EmpoweredParenting-subscribe@egroups.com
To UNSUBSCRIBE: EmpoweredParenting-unsubscribe@egroups.com
===================================
© 1999-2003 Joan Bramsch/JB INFORMATION STATION.
All rights reserved worldwide.
ISSN: 1526-2154 - Library Of Congress, Washington DC, USA
Permission to download text is for personal use only. It is illegal to
reproduce or transmit in any form or by any means, electronic or
mechanical, including photocopying, or by any information storage and
retrieval system, any part of this copyrighted text without permission in
writing from the publisher.
===================================
http://www.EmpoweredParent.com
All material copyright © Joan Bramsch 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003 (unless
otherwise noted)
===================================
===================================
===================================
